


March Of The Duos (a horror story)

by cold_and_broken_waluigi



Category: Duolingo - Fandom
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Duolingo, Gen, POV Second Person, language learning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cold_and_broken_waluigi/pseuds/cold_and_broken_waluigi
Summary: 'Here at Duolingo, we’re proud to announce the release of the all-new Duolingo: Live! Here at Duolingo, we recognise the importance of a regular schedule for language learning. But unfortunately, notifications don’t always work, and we understand that! That’s why, from tomorrow, you'll have your very own Duo in your home. Duo can remind you to practice your daily language-learning, and even assist you in the process- just think of them as your own, feathery, roommate!'Duolingo becomes even more sinister- if that's even possible.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. The Beginning

It was a regular October day when you got the notification on your phone. It was unusually warm for this time of year, perhaps, and maybe the atmosphere had an air of malice about it. Or maybe that was just something you invented, later, to justify the atrocities that would come after. But for now, you were unaware of what was to come. So blissfully unaware. 

You briefly glanced at the notification title. Hello From The Duolingo Team! An exciting new announcement! Thinking that it was probably something trivial, such as an update about a new costume for Duo, or a change in the power-ups, you disregarded it, turning your attention to smartphone games instead. You briefly wondered if your reluctance to read the email was due to ruining your concept of delayed gratification with the very games you were now playing, which had impaired your ability to engage with any task if there was no instant reward, but then you gained a bonus, and promptly forgot about all of it.

How incredibly foolish you had been. 

Many miles away, in a place that no human eyes would ever see, a voice commanded, 

“Mobilise!”

The phrase was then repeated in several other languages, and echoed around the cave. It was dark, for their innumerable eyes illuminated all that they would need to see, and besides, what need had they for mortal comforts like light? The cries to mobilise bounced off the jagged walls, into the depths of the cavern, where an eager crowd waited. They bore no weapons aside from their beaks, and wore no armour but their green down, but they had the appearance of the most threatening of armies. They were innumerable- silent and unmoving, awaiting orders. But now they had received their instruction, action would come. They were about to birth forth modern gods into a world that all known deities had long since abandoned, and they were so very glad to be the ones to do it.

Ignorant of this, and of everything that would follow, you scrolled idly through your phone. After a while, your attention turned to your inbox, and you remembered that Duolingo email you’d got earlier. Begrudgingly, you clicked on it, only really intending to skim it so that your emails would mark it as read, but one particular phrase caught your eye. ‘In your home’. What was that about? You scrolled to the beginning of the email. 

Hello, Y/N!  
Here at Duolingo, we’re proud to announce the release of the all-new Duolingo: Live! Here at Duolingo, we recognise the importance of a regular schedule for language learning. But unfortunately, notifications don’t always work, and we understand that! That’s why, from tomorrow, you'll have your very own Duo in your home. Duo can remind you to practice your daily language-learning, and even assist you in the process- just think of them as your own, feathery, roommate!

If you want to unsubscribe from Duolingo: Live, please call 515-808-2362.

Thanks, 

The Duolingo Team. 

You were in shock. You could barely stomach the thought of Duolingo invading your space, your home, your privacy- how did they even know which house to send it to in the first place? You tried calling the number no less than four times, but all that had happened was the John Cena theme song. Oh, well, you decided. You would just have to wait until it arrived, then dispose of it somehow. What even was it? A puppet? A robot? A stuffed toy?

The reality was going to be so much worse.

Back at the cave, owls flew into the cool night like swarms of bees from a hive. A few Duos remained in the cave, assigning addresses to the others that were being sent out, as well as recording the names of all those who had called the cancellation number on a list titled ‘Resistant’. How foolish those had been. This could not be stopped. This was inevitable. 

In the night sky, silhouettes of Duos were lit by the moon. They came over the seas, the mountains, the fields- they didn’t seem to stop. Once they reached their destination, they paused, opening the door with ease. No lock could stop them, nor any intruder alarm, or weapon. As they entered, they smiled to themselves. As they’d said, this was inevitable.


	2. The End Approaches.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to get used to your new life with Duo.

On the first day, Duo bit you. 

You had not been expecting them (you didn’t want to gender them) to just be standing there when you woke up. But there they were, standing next to your bed. Glaring at you. Vaguely frightened of the strange little owl thing, you went and picked them up gently. They didn’t seem as sinister as the app had made you think, or so you believed. In fact, they were almost kind of...cute. Fluffy, even. You had almost started to warm to the idea of having them in your house.

That’s when they bit you. 

Over the next few days, you and Duo experienced a few… communication problems. ‘Communication problems’ is a phrase that can have several meanings in a relationship, ranging from ‘my partner won’t do the laundry when I ask’ to ‘my partner has lots of internalised issues and they take it out on me.’ Here, it means that Duo was incredibly temperamental, and would often express their moods through scratching and pecking, which, as anyone who has attended therapy will know, are not healthy methods of self-expression. When you hadn’t yet completed your daily Duolingo, they ranged from vaguely motivational to openly hostile, and this would continue until you relented and did it. Other than that, they clearly aspired to fulfil the role of ‘general household nuisance.’

It was, you reflected, kind of like having an incredibly spiteful housecat with wings. So like a bird. They followed you everywhere you went, including to the shops or on public transport. They would often push full glasses of water off surfaces for no reason. They ate nothing (that you noticed), but delighted in knocking over boxes of cereal, or, alternatively, rice. They scratched up the furniture- and, of course, there was the shedding. It had only been a few days, but you couldn’t remember a time when you hadn’t been picking up green feathers from everything. 

Of course, it was not just you- millions of people had woken up to find their very own Duos just existing within their homes. Memes had spread like wildfire on Tumblr, especially as people figured out which celebrities had Duos. For example, Jojo Siwa had posted a picture of hers wearing a sparkly bow. Hozier also had a Duo, but everyone assumed that, being a Forest Creature, he could naturally commune with owls anyway. Landlords started specifying whether you were allowed to keep a Duo in your apartment, and, when you worked from home, people would show off their Duos in zoom calls. Once, a friend of yours had brought their Duo with them in the hopes that the two would bond, but they never did. 

So far, the experience had been fairly okay- odd, at times, or annoying, but nothing malicious. Nothing sinister. Not yet, anyway. And that’s when you broke your streak. 

In your defence, which Duo would of course not accept, the previous day had been a particularly hard one. You’d had a lot of work to do, and it had been overall just very emotionally taxing, and maybe you needed a self-care day. Duo would, as you soon found out, not take that for an answer. 

You awoke the next morning- or was it night?- to a heavy weight on your chest. There Duo sat, their glowing eyes penetrating your skull. You struggled against them, trying to sit upright, but couldn’t, as their talons began to lightly dig into your skin- not sharply enough to cause any serious injury, but still painful. With the baseball bat you kept by your bed, you managed to displace them long enough to get up, and ran for your door. You struggled with the doorknob as Duo got up, but found it to be locked. Your bedroom door didn’t even have a lock. Slowly, you watched with a mixture of panic and revulsion as Duo grew before your very eyes, transforming from the size of a regular owl to much taller than you, or any human. With nowhere left for you to run, Duo smiled, and outstretched one wing, which held your phone. The app was already open. 

It was then that you realised. There was no escape. There was only Duolingo.


End file.
